Fluorescing Light and the Path to be Me

Life is full of experiences which seem to arise to teach us, and they can lead us down a different path to the one we had intended. For me, this occurred in the latter half of 2011 when I had what I name a ‘wake up call’. Occipital headaches and a congested ‘muzzy’ head became constant and my blood pressure started to rise. These symptoms were compounded by a reaction to fluorescent lights which threatened my career as a nurse, something I deeply cherish and love.

Why did I get the headaches, congestion and reaction to fluorescent lights?

A busy life without enough self time, constantly changing shift work, and repeated perceived concerns, weakened my vitality, immune and endocrine systems and increased my sensitivity to ‘the lights’. Basically, my body was stressed. I later learned that the lymph flow in my head was restricted, contributing to my soaring blood pressure and causing my pupils to become slightly unequal. My adrenal and pituitary glands were struggling to maintain equilibrium.

Then fear…….. fear of going out and being exposed to fluorescent lighting, (trying to hide under a peaked cap and dark glasses, turning off ‘the lights’ whenever possible), fear of what this meant in my life, fear of how this would affect my family, our income and if I could ever work as a nurse again. I became self absorbed and felt very vulnerable.

Why did I get my wake up call?

To wake me up and to get me to listen. October 30th 2011 was the final stress. I was working in Special Care Baby Unit and had just started phototherapy treatment for a little neonate with jaundice – blue double fluorescent lights at the level of my head. My body’s reaction: “you are going to listen to me. I have been trying to tell you for months and you are now going to pay attention – I am shutting you down”

Well it worked. I stopped!!

The first 5 weeks off work, I rested and struggled, trying to make sense of it all within a state of fear and continual headaches. I rested a lot, quietly pottered in my vegetable garden, played music to try to calm my head, went for walks with a friend, and had long talks with my daughter and my husband who understood, and always listened and supported me. I increased my water intake, took supplements (Co enzyme Q10, calcium, magnesium, vitamin B), tried homeopathic remedies, and ate foods that calmed, and lowered blood pressure and stress. Although I saw a neuro specialist and had some tests, I knew I would follow my own path back to full health. I also believed that my reaction to ‘the lights’ had come – and would go again.

I then went for a massage and got much more – a healing massage and a referral to an amazing Body Talk practitioner. My first Body Talk session was an emotionally powerful healing experience. For the first time in my life I could close my eyes and just ‘zone out’ to a peaceful state of calm, a state with no thought. I woke in the middle of that night, felt the headache and heard a voice say ‘zone out’ then ‘zone in’. I looked inward. A fuzzy flowing colourful ball was in the place of my headache, I just ‘observed’ as it moved and paused at each place in my body, from the top of my head to the base of my spine. At this time I had no knowledge of chakras, or their colours, but I knew I had experienced something deep and powerful. The headache changed and moved to the base of my skull.

6 weeks later, at my 4th and final body talk session I knew I was almost healed. I was calm, present in the moment, noticing so much more and was no longer a multi tasker (I had been brilliant at it my husband says but I know it was very tiring for anyone else. He also noted that I was beginning to use my right brain much more). Three homeopathic remedies helped me when the anxiety and muzzy headache re-appeared (Arnica, Argentum Nitricum and Aconite). My journey to seek information, to discover, intensified. I started to ‘devour’ everything I could find on mind, body, spiritual healing. I read the “Anastasia Ringing Cedar” series of books and grew. I returned to work, slowly increasing my hours, and made a decision that work did not come home. I rested, slept a lot, learnt to meditate and looked at life with a new vision. Many of my beliefs changed and I became clearer and more confident. My reaction to fluorescent lights disappeared.

I now understand that fear puts us into survival mode – fight, flight, freeze – and shuts down our frontal cortex thinking. During my early healing time I would feel a pressure, an ache, a memory at the back of my head whenever I dared to talk about my experience but it lessened as I grew stronger and when I silently acknowledged “I know, you didn’t like that but it’s ok now”. When a symptom, emotion or feeling arises it is our body’s signal to stop, to listen, and ask “what are you trying to tell me?”

Over the past 2 years I have explored many exciting avenues. One learning discovery led to another. Meditation, the ‘miracle of mindfulness’, Body Talk Access, my ongoing Tai Chi, beginning Qi Gong, a healing course (colours, sounds, ‘body rock’, spirit guides, body and universal energy and how we can tap into this and more….), Reiki, Mind Matrix, Silva Intuition, EFT, Abraham-Hicks, organic nutrition, yoga, and ………., and the discovery of neuroscience and quantum physics linking it all together further expanded my thinking and a path to knowing that everything is connected………

I am deeply grateful for my wake up call, my healing and spiritual path had been trying to evolve for many years, I just hadn’t understood how much I needed to grow and become me.
As my journey continues, I am adding to this story:

In October 2013, I strained my left knee, a few twinges felt while dancing, and began a healing process that led me on a further path of discovery. Through exploring the meaning of knees and my history of varying knee issues over many years, I became aware of the wider significance of my body’s response. I knew previously that our body holds emotions and memories in our organs, tissues and specific body areas but I hadn’t linked this to my knee.

And it was then I felt gratitude, a thank you to my knee for guiding me on my next path and providing further self understanding. I had known for some time I was supposed to be doing something more in my life, my purpose for being here. A further body talk session exposed my concern of being ‘out there’ ‘showing myself’ and my need to move ahead out of fear to courage, allowing myself to be seen, to feeling energy and the connection into energy for expansion.

It was at this time I learnt of META-Health, a new health paradigm, the art and science that focusses on the body’s ability to heal itself. Now, I knew I had found something exciting that roused a passion from within. The connection of my love of nursing, of babies and their families and possibilities of what can be.

Qualifying as a practitioner with META-Health University was another beginning and wanting more, I embarked on deepening my understanding of healing and the mind, body, brain, social connection, within Master Practitioner, and the next step, META-Health Speaker which enables me to teach 1 – 2 hour workshops. Within META training, we learn of several different therapies. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Matrix Reimprinting especially captured my attention and I have now also qualified as a Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner, which for me goes hand in hand with META-Health. My passion for nurturing neonates and their families both in my work as a neonatal nurse and within META-Health is deepening further with Matrix Birth Reimprinting and how our early life experiences influence how we perceive and interact with our world.

I know I will always want to learn, to grow, and become my authentic self.

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First published on Nurturing Naturally

pictures: Gaylene Hansen, wikimedia commons (http://AuroraCrowley.com/)

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