Unresolved trauma, you terrible thief…
You robbed me of joy and of love and of peace.
But I know you have a job to do,
To help me adapt so I can get through.
You’ve frozen some parts, help me survive for a while,
But that’s weakened my body, my mind, my smile.
A cloud that’s followed me like a faithful dog,
Until that cloud got so big it became constantly fog.
“Don’t forget me.” You whispered. I turned a deaf ear,
Too scared to face what I’m not ready to hear.
“You’ve buried me alive, hope I’ll die and go rotten,
But I’ll keep giving you clues as I’m sure you’ve forgotten.
I’ve given you time and all you’ve done is ignore,
If you want it to stop you need to explore.
The pain may abate but it will not cease.
I’ve served my time, I’m due for release”
“Trapped in this prison for years and years,
Fermenting away, adding to you fears.
You gorge and gamble and binge and undress,
But it’s me who’s the cause of your constant distress.
You thought Blame was your ally but it’s nobody’s fault,
I promise you’ll be free if you let me out of this vault”
“All I want is a warm embrace,
For you to acknowledge me and remember my place.
I’ve only ever been here to help you heal and to mend,
You couldn’t ask for a better best friend.
You’ll see what I mean when stuff starts to shift,
That I’m not the villain but your greatest gift.”
I’m sorry, to upset you was never my intention,
In future I’ll give you the proper attention.
When I sense that you’re coming, I’ll pull up a chair,
And allow me that time and care to repair.
I’ll welcome you with my open heart,
Grateful to you for your essential part.
As those pieces of me are starting to thaw
I can look back and feel what I heard, and I saw.
Too much to take at that terrible time,
But now that it’s over I can return to my prime.
Instead of hating you and inflicting disdain
from now on I will love away my pain.
Helen Murray Dukes